I've been choking back screams for I don't know how many days

And holding them in for I don't know how many years

His mind burned away as he lay on the bed.
The unforgivable things he'd done slamming so
rapidly he couldn't comprehend them tearing
away at everything that made him him.

And he was gone.


I'm here somehow.

I used to stalk you once every year at Christmas
just to make sure you were still alive.

Please be alive, please be alive.

I couldn't face you after what I had done.

I went bugfuck crazy. I wasn't me anymore
I didn't exist.

I'm sorry for everything.

I put you through hell.

Just, please be alive.

I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Please be alive.

Oh god I don't care if you hate me

Please be alive